I often hear people complaining that co-workers, friends and spouses are not dependable, not reliable, not trustworthy. This brings up three thoughts for me.

First, I know - and I suspect you do too - that I teach people how to treat me. If someone continually tells me he or she will do one thing and then does another, but I always believe what I am told and make excuses r accept alibis for the behavior, I am teaching that person that it's OK to lie to me. Once a pattern has been established, my continued willingness to play along demonstrates that I expect no better. If I want to stop the game, I must intentionally and consciously break the pattern. If I care about the person and our relationship, I must be willing to confront the behavior and the first good opportunity. My only other options are to continue to pretend to be misled or to withdraw from the person. The former is not healthy for me and the latter is clearly not in the best interests of the relationship.

My second thought is this: Like attracts like. We all probably have one or two people in our lives who lie to us periodically. And almost everyone will let us down sometime - life gets in the way of all our best intentions. But, if I find myself surrounded by untrustworthy people, I need to examine my own habits. Have I become untrustworthy?  Do I commonly promise more than I can deliver and deliver less than I promise? Do I do what I say I will? Here's a good test. If you don't follow through on a commitment, what's the reaction? Are people very disappointed or did they never expect better of me?

Finally, I'm reminded of a book published in the midst of the scariest part of the "Red Scare" when most everyone in America believed